In school I was an outsider. Usually I was the last picked for a game. I wasn’t good at sports at all and I felt inferior. At home I was often critized and remarks like “you have two left hands” which meant you have no manual skills hurt me. I had many emotional wounds.
After I became a Christian I forgave classmates and my dad and through prayer Jesus healed me from emotional wounds in many areas of my life but there were still areas left where I felt inferior.
1999 – 2000 my wife and I attended a training course for leaders and co-workers in a church. There were plenty opportunities to preach. Christa accepted the challenge and preached but I didn’t.
I did not have the courage. I believed either that God wouldn’t give me a message or that the message wouldn’t be important to others or that I would make out a fool of myself by forgetting what to say and finally all others would laugh at me.
In March 2002 I received an important prophecy. One part of it was: “You will a father to the many children walking to this place” “You have the anointing of a father” and “It will start right now”.
In August 2002 we went to Pensacola, FL to study at Brownsville Revival School of Ministry (BRSM). At BRSM we “had to do” practical ministry too. I knew that God had called me to be a father but I didn’t know what it precisely meant: Did it mean a father to children or to young converts or both?
I felt God wanted me to help in Sidewalk Sunday School (an evangelistic outreach to inner city kids). But when I heard sports would be a part of it, my heart and courage sank and I nearly said “no”. American football e.g. was a part of it. I had never played it before. Greg a co-worker patiently explained me the rules and showed me what to do and guess what: Nobody laughed at me.
This was a very positve and encouraging experience for me.
Our neighbor kids (Tyrone and William and Shakira three Afro-Americans) frequently visited us. I often played with them. With the boys I played basket ball. The oldest was very athletic and of course much better in basketball than I was but that did not matter. What mattered is that I played with them.
It was an important lesson I learned:
For kids it’s not important to be perfect or good at a game but to play with them. I learned sports and games are good ways of expressing love to children. In games you express your love in three ways: Through encouragment (praising their skills, “good job”), physical touch (patting them on the shoulder) and through quality time (YOU an adult spent time with them) Those who know the book the ”Five Love Languages for spouses” and the “Five Love Languages for kids” (deutscher Titel: Die fünf Sprachen der Liebe) two books I highly recommend know what I’m talking of (the other two love languages are: “presents” and “acts of service”).
The”Father and Son Camping Trip” came. This was a weekend especially for kids of single parent families to give them the opportunity to experience the love of a father most of them never had.
I felt God wanted me to go with Tyrone, the youngest of my neighbor kids but one of the days was packed with games and sports which made me feel uncomfortable. Finally I overcame my fear we went and we both had a great time there and we had a great time there.
At BRSM I chose the “Pastoral Ministry Track” that meant “homiletics” (in homiletics you learn how to prepare a sermon) and homiletics meant to preach at least in front of 10 people in a cell group or even worse to preach in front of the class. Every week several were chosen by lot to preach. Until now I was “spared”. Suddenly this changed.
Mike, a fellow student a friend of ours told me that God had spoken to him that I would be chosen to preach coming Friday in front of class and that I better prepare.
There wasn’t much to prepare. You need to have your outlines on the various types of sermons ready but you didn’t know what outline would be chosen. So all I could do was to pray and trust God. Friday came, I was chosen and I preached my outline on the mission command (Matthew 28:16 – 20).
It was anointed, I did not forgot what I wanted to say and I got much applause from fellow students.
I had learned another important lesson:
If God calls you to do something you can do it because he enables you to do it.
This lesson was tested sometime later when Christa and I were on a (private) mission trip to New Orleans where Ron (a BRSM graduade) ministered together with others to people in a mixture of a Christian rehabilitation and discipleship training center (it was something like “Teen Challenge”).
He gave me the opportunity to teach. I had half an hour to prepare. Some time ago I would have made excuses like: It’s not enough time… I can’t do it because I am not gifted to teach… “I have no message for them…” and so on.
I accepted the challenge and taught a lesson of “Solutions” (Solutions is a class on Inner healing or healing of emotional wounds through your parents). It was fine.
Back in Germany I joined the Royal Rangers. I became senior commander because no one else wanted to be one. I had no boy scout skills at all. I went to the National Training Camp (NTC) afraid of doing mistakes, forgetting something or being to stupid to learn the knots or light a fire with 3 matches or other boy scout skills. Every thing turned out to be fine.
Later I made the National Training Trail (NTT). This was another (physical) challenge. I had a 3.5 cm shorter leg. It was a two day trail over 30 mi (45 km) long with 12 kilo gram baggage, a topographical map and a compass. Besides that there were stations were you had either to do something (some were tests of courages) or you were taught. To make a long story short, with God’s help I made it.
What I learned is:
If God calls you to do something he gives you the abilities, energy and power to do it (even if you are afaid of it).
PS. Remember:
If God can use a donkey he can use YOU!
Tags: inferiority, low self esteem
