Is there any purpose in life?  Does anyone really love me?

Did you ever ask yourself these questions? I did.

In school I was an outsider. I had no friends. I often became the victim of others who bullied me. Because of the many emotional hurts I withdrew myself. I became a lone wolf.

As teenager and young adult I often suffered from depressions. Everything seemed meaningless to me.

I thought: There must be a deeper meaning in life than just pursuing a career, building a house and having a family?

I longed for a girlfriend.  I thought she could give me all the love I hungered for.

But I didn’t believe I would ever find one because I felt so inferior.

Somehow I got involved in a sect. I searched in Judaism and Islam for the truth and the purpose of my life. For a while I even attended two youth groups in a Lutheran Church and became a little bit religious. Then I left them and for a short period of time I took an interest in  Marxism.  

Then, out of the blue I met a young girl. Was God answering my cry for a girlfriend?

She invited me to a youth group of a Baptist Church. Because of the girl I gladly came.

She did not become my girlfriend but I stayed.

The love and the joy of the youth group leaders impressed me. In the youth group I felt welcome, loved and accepted. I warmed up and the wall I had erected to protect my soul from further hurts came down.

In a sermon I had heard that if we don’t decide for Christ we decide against him. I knew I had to make a decision. I had nothing to lose.

Finally that day came. It was after a youth service at home I asked Jesus to forgive my sins and accepted him as my Savior and Lord. My life was changed.  The greatest adventure of life had begun. I experienced such a deep love and joy I had never known before.

It was as if a girl had fallen in love with me and I with her.

I knew I had become a child of God because his Spirit confirmed it to me

The following months were like a honeymoon for me.

I was so full of love and joy that I had to share it. So one of the things I did was to talk for quite some time to homeless and to buy them a free lunch.

In Jesus I have found my best friend and in God the best dad I could ever imagine. He has given me a quality of life my life never had before. Jesus is my hero. He satisfies the deep desires in my heart for love and acceptance. Many emotional wounds of my childhood and youth he has healed. Because he has forgiven me I could forgive those who hurt me. 

And because I forgave I became free from bitterness. Since I have forgiven my father the relationship with him has improved significantly. Now we even hug each other.

Since I came to know Jesus our friendship became more and more intimate. I came to know his character more and more. I can share with him everything, my joys, my sorrows, my failures even those intimate things I wouldn’t share with any one else.

I know he understands what I feel and think. His time for me is unlimited. He is there for me 24 hours a day and 7 days a week and even longs to spent time with me too. Like a child I can run into his arms whenever I want. He has changed my life. I love him.

I can’t imagine anything more exciting than knowing him more and more and to make him known to others. 

This has become the purpose of my life.

Hi,

maybe some of you who know me very well have heard that due to a ski accident in January 1979 my right leg became 3.5 cm shorter than my left one.

After I became a Chrisian and  my “career as a charismatic and Pentecostal Christian began”, several people prayed for the healing of my leg (including myself). I saw how other folks were healed but obviously I wasn’t (at least not spontaneously). 

Two months ago a strange thing happened to me.

During a service where I had been interpreting, a guest and former orthopaedist told me that the sole suport of my right shoe was  too high ( I have 3 cm to balance the shorter leg) and he reduced a little bit of my sole. 

I was afraid to make a fool out of myself by asking the Nonchristian physician, I attended, to measure my shorter leg to see whether God has started to heal it. Additionally I (still) suffer from an allergic cough and he could not really help me to get rid of it.

So I went to a Christian physician I know and asked him to measure my shorter leg. 

 The first time he measured, my right leg was only 2.5 cm  shorter than the left one.  The next visit he started to do BowTech with me, this are grips to stimulate the forces within the body to heal.

A few weeks later I was interpreting again  and this time the same guest told me that the sole support is 0,6 cm too much. 

My physian has measured my leg for several times during the past weeks and once it was only about 1.2 cm shorter.

On December 30, 2007, Manu who had read my blog prayed for my shorter leg after the service in the FCG Hanau.  The following week I bought  4 pair of new shoes, but I still wasn’t quite sure whether I had been completely healed or not. January 6, 2008, despite of pain I felt I put my new shoes on (without any sole support or insole) and attended the service. After the service  Ingrid Hoffmann prayed for the healing of my leg.

The next three days Christa and I were totally convinced that God had healed my leg completely. I sent many emails to friends in which I wrote that both legs were equal in length now.  Unfortunately on January 10, 2008 my physician examined my leg and it was still 1,5 cm shorter. This was a very disappointing moment for me. I had believed (not just agreed in theory that God can heal me), my actions (buying shoes, walking without any sole support even without an insole, had spread the news about my complete healing) proved my faith and now I had to deal with the visible facts… 

On January 13 I visited the healing rooms in Hanau. A couple of my church prayed for me. I bought the Healing CD spoke the Bible verses and proclamations aloud. 

 I am still convinced that he will heal my right leg completely. He can do it either spontaneously or step by step…

To feel discouraged or disappointed as I did is no shame. But it’s important to get up and praise the Lord no matter how our circumstances may be because God is always worthy to be praised in any situation at any time in our lives. 

God I love you

kadosh

The first time I heard of the teaching of righteousness was in autumn 2006.

Christa, my wife and I were cellgroup leaders of Philadelphia Church International Aschaffenburg (PCI Aschaffenburg). Pastor Daniel gave us Richard Hays book “Righteous at Last” (deutscher Titel: “Gerecht gesprochen”) to read.

When I heard that this book should be our textbook for the future I was very unwilling to read it. I felt a strong rejection against this book. I read it but with a very critical spirit making critical notes.

I thought myself a mature Christian, my wife and I were both graduades from Brownsville Revival School of Ministry (‘BRSM) and I thought the stuff is for baby Christians and in anyway I couldn’t imagine that this teaching could really transform my nation or any other nation in the world.

I could imagine myself teaching a night in the cell group about self-esteem (before I became a Christian I had suffered myself from a very low self-esteem but due to “inner healing” (forgiving others and asking Jesus to heal emotional wounds) many areas in my life had been healed finally.

A major breakthrough came when the whole PCI Aschaffenburg went to the first Apostolic and Prophetic Conference in Kirchheim, November 2006.

The first day I still thought myself out of place. I talked to pastor David from PCI Frankfurt (the parent church of PCI Aschaffenburg) who helped me a lot to believe in the prophesies made, which I had doubted.

Despite that I had a great time. There was a strong anointing, “God was in the house” as my former academic dean from BRSM would say, a joy which I had never seen and experienced in any conference I had been in Germany before.

To make it short I was mightily touched; once I was in travail laying on the floor and just had a great time.

In spring 2007 Petra started to teach a few lessons from “Righteous at Last” (unfortunaltey she couldn’t finish it). At that time I did not have so much revelation on this issue so I still did not estimate Petra’s  teaching very much.  

The Pentecostal Conference in Hanau, a seminar with Alfredo, and another seminar with Bruno on eschatolgy gave me a deeper understanding as well as the 2nd Prophetic and Apostolic Conference in Kirchheim (this conference is really a must and the 2nd time Christa and I were more blessed than the first time).

The teaching on righteousness changed my prayer life.

I pray daily for more revelation on the teaching of righteousness because I know there is still more to learn and understand on this issue and finally to live it out. It is not just a teaching. It is a life style. It is the key for reformation.

I do no longer pray “Lord give me love for person X” but I pray “Thank you Lord, that your love will flow out of me today in dealing with my colleagues …

It also had and has a tremendous postive influence on my self-esteem and on the way I deal with others, e.g. I say to colleagues when they speak negatively about themselves, that they are precious, encourage them that they can do it and I just love on them.

I can say that I am really blessed with my two female colleagues I’m working with. Both could be my daughters and I treat them more like daughters than like colleagues. We have a lot of fun together…

Another example I want to mention. There is a male colleague I had problems to deal with in the past. To be frank and free I didn’t like him because on several occasions he had hurt me by his comments but God changed me and our relationship with each other. Once for example I said to him that he is a  precious person…

Meanwhile I can’t wait until Petra finally teaches all what she has learned in Mexico and in foundations. I am hungry for it and I want it all!

Finally I want to thank Richard Hays for writing his book “Righteous at Last”, for Pastor Daniel and for Petra who introduced me to the teaching of righteousness, to Pepe and Alfredo, Bruno Zimmerli and all of those who organized the “Prophetic Apostolic Conferences in Kirchheim”.

Love you all!

kadosh

In school I was an outsider. Usually I was the last picked for a game. I wasn’t good at sports at all and I felt inferior. At home I was often critized and remarks like “you have two left hands” which meant you have no manual skills hurt me. I had many emotional wounds.

After I became a Christian I forgave classmates and my dad and through prayer Jesus healed me from emotional wounds in many areas of my life but there were still areas left where I felt inferior.

1999 – 2000 my wife and I attended a training course for leaders and co-workers in a church. There were plenty opportunities to preach. Christa accepted the challenge and preached but I didn’t.

I did not have the courage. I believed either that God wouldn’t give me a message or that the message wouldn’t be important to others or that I would make out a fool of myself by forgetting what to say and finally all  others would laugh at me.

In March 2002 I received an important prophecy. One part of it was: “You will a father to the many children walking to this place” “You have the anointing of a father” and “It will start right now”.

In August 2002 we went to Pensacola, FL to study at Brownsville Revival School of Ministry (BRSM). At BRSM we “had to do” practical ministry too. I knew that God had called me to be a father but I didn’t know what it precisely meant: Did it mean a father to children or to young converts or both?

I felt God wanted me to help in Sidewalk Sunday School (an evangelistic outreach to inner city kids). But when I heard sports would be a part of it, my heart and courage sank and I nearly said “no”. American football e.g. was a part of it. I had never played it before. Greg a co-worker patiently explained me the rules and showed me what to do and guess what: Nobody laughed at me.

This was a very positve and encouraging experience for me.

Our neighbor kids (Tyrone and William and Shakira three Afro-Americans) frequently visited us. I often played with them. With the boys I played basket ball. The oldest was very athletic and of course much better in basketball than I was but that did not matter. What mattered is that I played with them.

It was an important lesson I learned:

For kids it’s not  important to be perfect or good at a game but to play with them. I learned sports and games are good ways of expressing love to children. In games you express your love in three ways: Through encouragment (praising their skills, “good job”), physical touch (patting them on the shoulder) and through quality time (YOU an adult spent time with them) Those who know the book the ”Five Love Languages for spouses” and the “Five Love Languages for kids” (deutscher Titel: Die fünf Sprachen der Liebe) two books I highly recommend know what I’m talking of (the other two love languages are: “presents” and “acts of service”).

The”Father and Son Camping Trip” came.  This was a weekend especially for kids of single parent families to give them the opportunity to experience the love of a father most of them never had.

I felt God wanted me to go with Tyrone, the youngest of my neighbor kids but one of the days was packed with games and sports which made me feel uncomfortable. Finally I overcame my fear we went and we both had a great time there and we had a great time there.

At BRSM I chose the “Pastoral Ministry Track” that meant “homiletics” (in homiletics you learn how to prepare a sermon) and homiletics meant to preach at least in front of 10 people in a cell group or even worse to preach in front of the class. Every week several were chosen by lot to preach. Until now I was “spared”. Suddenly this changed.

Mike, a fellow student a friend of ours told me that God had spoken to him that I would be chosen to preach coming Friday in front of class and that I better prepare.

There wasn’t much to prepare. You need to have your outlines on the various types of sermons ready but you didn’t know what outline would be chosen. So all I could do was to pray and trust God. Friday came, I was chosen and I preached my outline on the mission command (Matthew 28:16 – 20).

It was anointed, I did not forgot what I wanted to say and I got much applause from fellow students.

I had learned another important lesson:

If God calls you to do something you can do it because he enables you to do it.

This lesson was tested sometime later when Christa and I were on a (private) mission trip to New Orleans where Ron (a BRSM graduade) ministered together with others to people in a mixture of a Christian rehabilitation and discipleship training center (it was something like “Teen Challenge”).

He gave me the opportunity to teach. I had half an hour to prepare. Some time ago I would have made excuses like: It’s not enough time… I can’t do it because I am not gifted to teach… “I have no message for them…” and so on.

I accepted the challenge and taught a lesson of “Solutions” (Solutions is a class on Inner healing or healing of emotional wounds through your parents). It was fine.

Back in Germany I joined the Royal Rangers. I became senior commander because no one else wanted to be one. I had no boy scout skills at all. I went to the National Training Camp (NTC) afraid of doing mistakes, forgetting something or being to stupid to learn the knots or light a fire with 3 matches or other boy scout skills. Every thing turned out to be fine.

Later I made the National Training Trail (NTT).  This was another (physical) challenge. I had a 3.5 cm shorter leg. It was a two day trail over 30 mi (45 km) long with 12 kilo gram baggage, a topographical map and a compass. Besides that there were stations were you had either to do something (some were tests of courages) or you were taught. To make a long story short, with God’s help I made it.

What I learned is:

If God calls you to do something he gives you the abilities, energy and power to do it (even if you are afaid of it).

PS. Remember:

If God can use a donkey he can use YOU!